Today I remind myself to soften and embody kindness the best I can.
It didn't start very balanced, my day. I went to my usual coffee shop to write, but I wasn't sure where I was going with my latest story, and I was hit with the anticipation of my upcoming trip to Montana. Several of my dearest yoga friends gather every year this time of year at the Feathered Pipe Ranch to practice; camping out there was where I first conceived of the idea for Bear Speaks. I leave Friday again for that place only this year I am staying in Sai Condo, a cabin below the bear caves instead of a tent. I get nervous when I get excited like this - I can almost smell the pine cone smell of the place. I'm hoping this year I'll be able to get the missing pieces out on paper to my current story. I tend to write easily out in those woods.
People in the coffee shop are bickering all around me - it's unbelievable really. The couple at the table next to me argues about their retirement. There's another writer in the back room talking about her writing and why she doesn't want to make changes for her editor on her cell phone. I put down my pen. I'm too much of a mess to head to Montana this year; I haven't had time for a hair cut, my toe nail polish is chipped. Maybe I should cancel the trip on account of chipped nail polish and a sore neck. I must have slept funny on it last night.
I'm not sure where kindness and compassion might bring me today, but I guess I can give it a shot, let go of my fear for a bit and write something. At least then I'm allowing whatever is meant to happen to happen.
I don't need to tighten about a trip to see friends. Whoever heard of someone being nervous about visiting friends? But it's been a couple years. Last year I had to cancel my trip at the last minute because of a dizzy spell and a migraine. I recognize it's pointless to meet the world, to try to accomplish anything when I am tight. It's got to be more effective anyways to approach everything from a place of compassion.
There comes a point where we've gotten so used to interacting with each other from tightness and fear, that we almost don't know how to be with one another without it. That's what makes me nervous about meeting my yoga friends the end of the week; the only way I know how to be with them is if I am wide open, compassionate is the right word I suppose, and I'm not sure if I can sustain that for a whole week. But the love is the Truth of where we are, so anything less than that is just a repeat of bad habits, in appropriate conditioning.
So I'm headed back to Montana. I don't know what will come of a sustained open interaction with the world, with being with myself, but I'm willing to try. I'm willing to be in the place of Truth as much as I am able.
That's a pretty good mantra for today: open compassion into the ecumenical nature of all things. We should all probably go for it.
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