Gratitude and Releasing Control: Of Car and Body

I'm one of those people who go into denial when faced with medical issues; I show up at the doctor's office only when a situation becomes intolerable. By intolerable I mean the pain has to be excruciating, the condition has to completely interfere with work, play and writing, in other words I show up to my wonderful doctor when I can't stand it anymore.

The same goes for mechanical difficulties: I replace the clothes washer when it floods the kitchen, I service the car when it flat-out stops. My high levels of denial correspond with my lack of ability to recognize that I am not the one in control of everything all the time. Admitting lack of control demands a release into what is that I find scary and disabling. Needless to say, this "control freak" attitude can cause havoc in personal relationships too; if my darling husband would rather catalog birds and grow bananas than delve into the mysteries of meditation and prayer with me I tend to take it as a personal challenge. The universe finds my "I'm the one in charge" attitude amusing to be sure; things always come around to reminding me as to the truth - that I am a dependent entity on those around me - that at times I need the help of doctors, car mechanics, plumbers and neighbors to feel my best, that I can't make my husband study the hidden implications of prayer any more than he can give me a huge charge out of bird watching.

Controlling what happens is never the issue. Allowing for the revelation in what is happening and learning to release into all of it the key. Joy comes from observing the happenings, and accepting them in all of their totality. Then, the miracles all around us become more than apparent - the miracle that is inherent in living, the miracle of every breath we have the honor of taking, the miracle of our inter-dependence. When we approach out being with a sense of that awe and gratitude for all of it, we can see ourselves as beyond all limits, even the limits of our need to control.