Kindness - Going Beyond Halloween Masks

We can be our own harshest critics, reflecting that self criticism back onto ourselves through the eyes of others and our environment. We judge continuously and then wonder why we get sick or feel tired.

It feels like we're engaging in this huge, pointless defensive; the multi-layered masks we wear only help to accentuate our self condemnation. We look at the world like a monster from Beowulf, vicious, unforgiving, ready to rip everyone apart who might stand in our way. We walk around fully armed and then wonder why we are afraid.

I have a dear friend who recently installed an alarm system in his house. It bothered me that this man who is usually so open and undefended had decided to arm himself like that; he hadn't been robbed, he already has a dog that barks loudly when anyone enters his yard. I asked him about it, and his response was, "the alarm is there in case anyone breaks in."

Part of the issue here, with our masks and our alarms, is the sinking fear that we'll be left alone and abandoned. We wear the masks, set the alarm system, judge our brothers and sisters for the whole purpose of waiting for the confirmation of our own paranoid fantasies. And then someone comes along, it could be the husband we were resenting, it could be our sullen teenager, it could be the lovely woman in yoga class who for no apparent reason brings homemade chocolate chunk cookies to share with everyone, it could be a neighbor, or someone we've never met before who helps us jump start our car. When the loving actions of others become so over the top, so attentive we can't deny them anymore, our masks unravel, our alarm systems disable. Then we see reality for what it is.

It's time to stop thinking we don't deserve the direct, all encompassing, true love of our friends, family and ourselves. It's time to stop discounting the love. It takes bravery to see our relationships in a loving light, more bravery than it does to lash out against those around us with our fake, Halloween weapons.

Today my mantra is loving kindness. Today I remind myself that I am not alone or abandoned. I release those illusions with every breath.