Receptivity

I don't know why I get confused so often over what to do and who to do it with. (Yes that's a dangling preposition...)

I want to be receptive to what's real, what's actually happening, but the control freak, the willful part of me wants to decide what's real myself (impossible of course,) and plan it on a calendar (comical, I know.) Hence my calendar consists of scribbles and cross-outs as I continuously change my mind about what I want to happen in the very imaginary future. So I create my own distractions, my own constant prattle to keep my mind from hooking into the truth.

To be receptive means to be open and expansive, to move beyond the construct of the calendar right into the point where my perception can shift from fear into a space of beaming love. The reality is we're all here, all the time, because there's no where else to go anyway. So it makes sense to rev up the light, move into a space of literal empathy for ourselves and everyone else, and enjoy what's happening as it happens. That beats trying to plan it all out in advance like a crazy person every time.